So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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