I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
