Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
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You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
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A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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