Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
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