I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
