it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
