Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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