i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
No subtext here. People are naked.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
