I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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