yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
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She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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