Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
