Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
