drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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