His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
