so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
