I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
