Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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