I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
