Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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