Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
