i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
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Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
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In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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