just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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