I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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