His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
