I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
