just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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