I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
