i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
