You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
