My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Enjoy the penises
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
