drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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