i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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