I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
