We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
