I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
