Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
3 2 1 whiskey
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
