What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I cut my penus on the lid.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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