Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
