"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
