well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
