dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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