We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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