I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
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I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
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I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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