Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
