That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
