I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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