Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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