Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
