Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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