My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
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You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
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It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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