we made out on top of his cat.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
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I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
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We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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