I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
