well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
