What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
