Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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