Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
