Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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