I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
