As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
