i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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