So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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