can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
