OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I think I am morally bankrupt
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
