I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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