Plan B is the new Plan A
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
